


No One Would Notice

by supernatural_jackles



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, F/M, Fluff., Minor Implications of an Eating Disorder, Self- Doubt, Self- Hate, mentions of previous self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 08:06:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17096978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/supernatural_jackles/pseuds/supernatural_jackles
Summary: When things get so bad that you snap at the drop of a hat, or in this case, a drop of a gun. The ones around you are concerned about you.; the ones that love you.Square Filled: Rescue Mission





	No One Would Notice

**Author's Note:**

> for @spnfluffbingo  
> Gif is made by me.

It was silent. At least, that’s how it felt. In reality it really wasn’t all that quiet. The sounds of the birds over your head, the wind whipping through the trees. Then there was the obvious conversation between Jensen, Jared, Misha and Alex at the table with you. The only thing was, it was a conversation that you weren’t included in. It happened from time to time. They were guys, and they had their things they liked to talk about. Things that a girl like you had no business being involved in. You were new. You didn’t fit in as well. It happened.

 You had no idea what the topic of discussion was today. You sat there silently, pushing your salad around your plate. Wondering if you should really be eating it. After all, you had a big breakfast, and you could certainly lose a few pounds. Even if it was a salad.

 There was a part of you that wondered if any of them would notice if you weren’t there. If you were to just disappear before them. Yeah, Jared and Jensen were your friends, and they quickly became your friends in your first scene because you were tied up and really nervous. But you weren’t going to last on this show. As a woman, and the fanbase wasn’t too kind to new female characters, especially with the Winchester’s. You gave yourself the season at best.

 It was becoming a recurring theme with you. Your story didn’t matter all that much. Sometimes that was okay. On this show, you weren’t a main character and you were only in a handful of scenes. But it was starting to bleed into your everyday life. Pushed to the side, forgotten about. Never missed. The kind of girl that was _invisible_ ; blending so far into the background that no one even notices. The kind that was only important when she was needed.

  _No one would notice that you weren’t there anymore_. It was the sad truth.

 “We should probably head back,” Jared mentioned, getting up from the table first. You barely even registered that he was talking to everyone. You glanced up, seeing him standing there with a smirk playing on his lips as he looked at Misha. He and Alex got up with him, prompting you to get up to clear off the table.

 “You okay, Y/N?” Jensen’s voice filled your ears. “You barely ate anything. That’s not like you.” Great. Jensen thought you ate too much too. _Just fabulous._

 “Not hungry,” you shrugged, giving him a soft smile to try and assure him you were fine.

 “Okay,” he nodded, giving you the very same smile. “If you get hungry later, I’ve got granola bars in my trailer.”

 “I’ll be okay. Big breakfast this morning,” you told him.

 “Okay,” he nodded once more, swallowing hard. You threw your salad in the grey trash bin at the edge of the tent before heading back with Jensen. You kept your distance as you walked to the set.

 You were outside in the middle of nowhere. At least that’s the way it felt. You were near a forest, and some water. You needed a crossroad, and area for the impala to drive. It was the first scene you were filming with Misha, and your first one with all of the guys there. You were used to working with Jared, Jensen and Alex. Misha’s scenes were typically elsewhere. Angel business as they called it in the script.

 Hair and makeup gave everyone their last final touches as the cameras finished setting up. You stood behind your purple tape, waiting for them to call action. You had your gun in your jeans, ready to pull it when you needed to.

  “Alright, action!” Bob Singer called out.

 “Are you guys sure this is going to work?” you asked both boys, your eyes flicking from one to the other.

 “It’s worth a shot,” Dean shrugged. Sam painted over the last bit of the devil’s trap before standing up straight.

 “So let me get this straight,” Jack started, “we’re going to summon a demon to give us the location of another demon, who knows of the demon we’re looking for? Why don’t we just summon the one we’re looking for?”

 “Because it doesn’t work like that. The one we’re looking for is much more powerful,” Sam explained.

 “Like Asmodeus?”

 “Kind of,” Dean answered.

 Sam read out the latin to summon the demon. This was when Castiel was supposed to appear and your character thought it was the demon and wanted to be prepared. You withdrew your gun from your pants, trying to get a hold of it properly as smoothly as you could. You fumbled a little more than you should have and instantly messed up the scene.

 “Cut!”

 “I’m sorry,” you called out.

 “It’s okay,” Bob assured you.

 “C’mon Y/N,” Misha tried to play. You knew that, but you couldn’t for the life of you, take it as a _joke_. You tuckled the gun back in your jeans, getting ready to do it again.

 “Alright, from Y/N drawing the gun and onwards. Action!”

 You drew the gun much quicker and easier this time around, flicking the safety off. Your eyes hard as they pointed towards Misha.

 “Whoa, whoa!” Dean shouted, moving over to you to lower your gun. You tried your hardest to put the safety back on but it jammed, effectively ruining the take once more. God, you couldn’t do anything right today.

 Your gun was jammed and they managed to get the safety on, telling you to leave the safety on before rolling again. Dean was just going to move your gun down and proceed with the scene.

 “This is Castiel, our angel friend,” Dean introduced him to you. You nodded you head, your lips forming a line. “Cas, anything on the demon?”

 “Nothing I could find. It’s almost like the Earth is cleared of demons. I can’t seem to find any,” he shared with all of you.

 “That can’t be good,” Sam added in.

 “What does that even mean?” you questioned.

 “I don’t know,” Castiel glanced at you.

 “Whatever is going on, it has to have something to do with why the demon isn’t showing up,” Dean concluded.

 “Cut!” Bob called out. “Good take. One more from camera two.” Everyone moved back to their original places. You just prayed you could do this perfectly again. “Action!”

 The first couple of minutes went smoothly. Everyone’s lines were on point. It was the exact same as the first one. You went to withdraw your gun once more, pulling it from your jeans to point it up. This time it slipped from your hands, dropping to the pavement.

 “Cut!”

 “Didn’t they teach you to draw a gun in acting school?” Misha chuckled, the rest of them laughing along with him. You bent down, grabbing your gun from the ground. Tears were welling in your eyes. You literally couldn’t do _anything_ right today.

 “Let’s switch you guns, Y/N,” the prop guy mentioned, bringing you an exact replica of your gun. You nodded your head, taking a deep breath.

 “Don’t drop this one, butterfingers,” Alex teased.

 “Guys, enough. It’s not funny,” Jensen scolded them. “Let her focus.”

 “Ready? Action!”

 You reached for your gun once more, pulling it from your jeans, only to find that it was slick with something on it, which clearly indicated someone was messing with you on purpose. The gun slipped further out of your hand this time, ruining another take.

 “Y/N,” Misha called out in a fit of laughter. You never even bothered to pick it up. You had a burning sensation in your chest. It was getting harder and harder for you to breath. You needed out of here.

  “Let’s just -”

 “I quit,” you stated, heading off the set with tears in your eyes. You had no idea where you were going to go, or how the hell you were going to get back. You just went wherever your feet took you. That just so happened to be into the trees.

 Every so often, a tiny branch cracked beneath your feet. There was a nice trail that you could follow. You could hear the sounds of the water, and you quickly decided that was where you wanted to go. Somewhere to calm down and get out of the toxic headspace you were in.

 The water was flowing faster than you expected. You spotted a few large rocks, one big enough to sit on without getting your feet wet. You carefully made your way over, taking a seat on top of the biggest rock. The sounds of the wind soaring through the trees was comforting. It gave you a chance to focus.

 Things were just so hard today. Your mind was telling you things that you knew weren’t true, but you couldn’t seem to believe it. You hated when you got this way, and you hated it more when other people saw it. They were probably all talking about how unprofessional you were, and how they were going to find someone better to replace you. Someone who was prettier and smarter. Someone who wouldn’t fuck up as many takes. You would easily be forgotten. Blended into the background.

  _No one would even notice if you were gone._

 You rolled up your left sleeve, your eyes instantly glancing down at the tiny white lines on your wrist. All in a perfect line. All healed. _All in the past_ , you reminded yourself. You were better than this. You didn’t have to stoop down that slope again.

 “Is this seat taken?” the familiar sound of Jensen’s voice filled your ears. You quickly rolled down your sleeve. He was calm, and you could hear the concern in his voice. He wasn’t there to upset you. You didn’t answer him either way. He was only going to try and help, you knew that. But what could he do? What was there that he could make better?

 You saw his legs in the corner of your eye. Then you felt his body next to yours. His leg touching yours. He held out something in his hand towards you. A granola bar. You shook your head, staring off into the distance.

 “I need you to eat something for me,” he said softly. “I had breakfast for you this morning. You had a bowl of plain oatmeal, and you only ate half of it. You had a bite or two of your salad, with no dressing on it. You have got to be starving.”

 “I’m not,” you breathed out.

 “Y/N,” he sighed. He was clearly annoyed with you now. Of course, you were _fucking_ difficult to deal with. “If you’re not hungry, I’m obviously not going to force you to eat this. But if this is for another reason - god, I hope you know that I think you are perfect just the way you are. You are beautiful, and smart, and talented. You don’t need to change anything about yourself, including your weight.”

 “So talented I fucked up a million takes today,” you muttered to yourself.

 “What?” he questioned.

 “Why are you here?” you changed the subject.

 “I’m on a mission; a _rescue mission_. You see. There’s this girl, and my asshole friend upset her. But I have a feeling there’s a lot more to it than just a bit of lube on a gun handle that’s upsetting her.”

 “I don’t need rescuing.”

 “To rescue means to save someone from something. A mission is something that takes time. You may not need rescuing, but I’ve got a job to do that takes some time.”

 “Whatever.”

 “You know I’m always here for you right? No matter what time it is, or what’s going on. I’m here for you. I can see something is wrong, sweetheart,” he pointed out. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay. I care about you, and I don’t want you to feel like you’re alone in this.”

 “Would you notice if I disappeared?” you sniffled, darking to ask him the burning question.

 “Of course I would - _wait_ you’re not thinking-”

 “No,” you shook your head. “Just feel like I’m fading and everything else around me is getting brighter and I worry that maybe it’s for the best. I mess up all the time. Maybe it’s better for me to just disappear.”

 “I don’t think so,” he argued. “You see, you think you’re fading but you’re not. Sweetheart, you don’t even realize that you’re pulling yourself away from us. Last week, we asked you if you wanted to come over to watch the episode and for the first time you told us no. You were quiet and kept to yourself and you’ve been like that for a little while now. Jared and I notice these things. We care about you, and I don’t want anything to happen to you. You’re the brightest part of the painting. Your takes today weren’t your fault. Misha fully admitted to fucking with your guns, but he didn’t think he’d upset you the way he did.”

 “I don’t mean to pull away. I just feel like I’m annoying you guys. You and Jared have been friends forever, and you’re close with everyone. I’m new, and I’m not one of the guys.”

 “You’re right, you’re not one of the guys. You’re Y/N. You say _fuck_  all the time. Your laugh is contagious. You can drink as much as I can. You’re beautiful, and you have manners. You have class compared to a lot of us. You may not be one of the guys, but you are one of us. You are the Y/N to Jensen and Jared. Don’t you doubt that you fit in with us. Not for a second. You matter the most to me, you know that?” he went on. He threw his arm around you, pulling you in close to him. “Do you really want to quit?”

 “I don’t want to keep causing issues,” you shrugged. “I know I’m not going to last, and I know that-”

 “Who says you’re not going to last?” he furrowed his brows. “You’re a favourite. They love your sense of humour.”

 “Yeah, but I’m also a girl. Jensen, I don’t want to keep getting in the way. I just feel like I’m better off somewhere else. I’m better off away from here. No one is going to miss me when I’m gone. No one would notice. Things will go on as if nothing happened,” you argued.

 “I can tell you that you’re wrong. I don’t say this enough, none of us do. You’re family and we love you. We’ve loved you since you stepped foot on our set. I would notice if you were gone. There would be this empty space where you were. There wouldn’t be as much laughter. Jared would fart a hell of a lot more if you were gone. Sweetheart, what’s got you thinking like this?” he inquired. His voice was a little higher than you were used to.

 “Just tired of everything, you know? I’m tired of wondering if people are just nice to me because I’m an actress. Or if they are afraid to hurt my feelings. I’m tired of feeling like I’m a burden to everyone around me. I’m so _fucking_ tired of wondering if there is something wrong with me,” you blurted out.

 “C’mere,” he muttered, pulling you in closer to him. He brought your legs up over his lap, before his hand made it’s way to your cheek. His thumb brushed away a stray tear. “Sweetheart, there is not a single thing wrong with you. You are perfect just the way you are. And if someone makes you feel like they wouldn’t even notice that you weren’t around, then _fuck_ them. The people that love you will. People like me. I wouldn’t be here with you right now if I didn’t care. Jared wouldn’t be yelling at Misha right now if he didn’t care. I want you to know that your place is here with us. There isn’t a thing wrong with you. It’s just that pretty head of yours telling you things that aren’t true. It happens to the best of us.”

 “Even you?” you asked him.

 “Even me,” he nodded. “When that happens, you can come to me and I will tell you the truth. There is nothing wrong with you. You’ve been holding back for far too long, and you just need to let go of it all. You need to relax from time to time. So why don’t we head back, we’ll tell them you need the day. You, Jared and I will go out for some dinner and make sure you feel like you’re cared about by the two of us.”

 “You can head back. I’m going to stay here for a little while,” you breathed out. “Gonna try this relaxing thing.”

 “Mind if I stay with you then?” he asked you.

 “Sure,” you nodded.

 You never moved from his lap. You simply sat in silence, listening to the water flowing through. You could feel yourself calming down in his arms. You allowed yourself to rest your head on his shoulder as you watched the water go by. Every so often, you felt Jensen’s thumb rub against the tiny patch of skin that your ripped jeans revealed. It was just nice to be with someone for a little while. It was nice to be rescued for once. To have someone care about you enough to put the effort into rescuing you.

 “I think I could go for that granola bar,” you mumbled.

 “There’s my girl,” he smiled. “It’s chocolate coated too. I know you like those ones.”

 “I do,” you let out a tiny laugh. Jensen was one of the good ones. He reached in his pocket and pulled out the granola bar, handing it over to you with a smile. You opened up the packet, taking a bit from it. The chocolate hitting your taste buds first. You held it out, motioning for him to take a bite from it. “Hey Jensen?”

 “Hmm?” he answered, chewing the piece of granola bar.

 “Thank you for caring,” you whispered.

 “Always,” he nodded. He brought his hand up to your face, tucking a stray piece of hair behind your ear. His green eyes were focused. The nice natural light brought out his freckles even more. You never realized just how many he had. Jensen was a handsome guy, you thought to yourself. Your eyes flicked up to his, giving him a soft smile. He was probably looking at your tear stained cheeks, and how bloodshot your eyes were from crying. What surprised you was when you saw him lean in a little closer. Was he - did he want to kiss you? You certainly weren’t opposed to that idea. Not in the slightest. You could see the hesitation in his movements. You nodded your head slightly, letting him know he could proceed. You leaned up a little, ready to meet him halfway when a branch snapped in the distance, causing you to pull back and look in the direction it came in.

  “Sorry!” Jared’s voice called out. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to - you guys have just been gone for an hour and people are starting to worry.” He stepped closer to you and Jensen. You could clearly see that he was concerned, probably thinking the worst possible outcome.

 “She’s okay,” Jensen stated, squeezing you a little.

 “Good,” Jared nodded. “There is someone who wants to apologize to you. And a certain director that doesn’t want you to quit. And a friend who loves you who doesn’t want you to leave.”

 “I know,” you mouthed. Jared made his way over to the rock, taking a seat on the other side of you. He had a soft smile playing on his lips.

 “Hit your breaking point huh?” he started.

 “That obvious?”

 “To me, yeah. You usually take pranks with a smile and laugh it off. People could be damn near terrible to you and you never bat an eye, but when something as simple as dropping a gun during a take makes you cry and walk off the set, I know there is so much more to it than you’re leading on. We’re alike remember?”

 “Yeah,” you agreed. “It just got to be too much. Everything. You know, you think you know how things are. Just straight and narrow. Black and white, plain and simple. But one day, you wake up and you think to yourself, wow, no one really likes you the way you think they do. You wouldn’t be missed if you were gone; no one would notice. The ones who say, ‘what would I do without you in my life’ don’t even realize you’re not there anymore. I’m tired of bleeding for the ones the cut me.”

 “No one is worth it,” Jensen reminded you.

 “No one is worth it, Y/N,” Jared repeated. “Except us. ‘Cause we’ll bleed for you.”

 “I know you would,” you smiled. “I guess I just need a reminder of that sometimes.”

 “Noted,” Jensen nodded.

 “We love you, darlin’,” Jared stated. “Don’t go forgetting that.”

 “I love you both too,” you confirmed.

 “Let’s get you back to set,” Jared winked, getting up off the rock first. You shifted off Jensen’s lap. You were a little disappointed that Jensen never got the chance to kiss you, but if it was meant to happen, there would be another opportunity. That’s what you told yourself to please your head and not overthink things. Jensen was behind you, his hands on your hips as you guided the way.

 Jared walked ahead of you by a good bit. You blamed it on his long legs, especially compared to your own. Jensen stayed by your side, his arm wrapped around your shoulder. Yours wrapped around his waist.

 “Feeling better?” he asked you.

 “Yeah. Felt good to get it out and that you and Jared both understand,” you shared.

 “Good,” he smiled softly. “But before we get back out there-” Jensen released you, taking a step in front of you. His hands cupped your cheeks, his lips crashing to yours in a sweet, needy kiss. Your hands instinctively reached for his wrists as your heart soared in your chest. You kissed him back with as much passion, finally allowing yourself to relax completely.

 “Jensen,” you broke the kiss, taking a deep breath, your lungs filling with air.

 “Sorry, I-”

 “No no. You have nothing to be sorry for,” you assured him with a smile. “The kiss was great. Jared saw the whole thing.” He turned around to find Jared standing behind him with the biggest smile on his lips.

 “I was seriously wondering when this was going to happen,” he chuckled. “I just made like five hundred dollars.”

 “You bet on it?” Jensen questioned in shock.

 “First day Y/N started,” he chuckled. “C’mon, I’m not an idiot. I can see it in your eyes you had a thing for her.”

 “You’re paying for dinner tonight with your victory money,” you pointed at him.


End file.
